It looks like Brittany Spears has a new Halloween costume. I saw on Perez Hilton that she's got those Hollywood leach lips. She's also got a head start on her tricks as she ran over the foot of a photographer on her way out of the doctor's office. Hmm, the mind reels with possibilities for dressing up to honor this inspiring falling star.
My favorite costume ever was bestowed upon me by my big bro waaaay over a decade ago and I've seen it plenty since. I taped a giant gift bow to my shirt and attached an over-sized card that read, "To the World: From God." But then Jack assures me that he really thinks I am God's gift to the world.
Jack is great at costuming because he never buys anything pre-made. He also adds a sick twist on his costumes. He might, for example, take something sweet and innocent like the Easter Bunny and make it sinister. He might give it vampire fangs or a thorny crown. Maybe that's too sinister. Sorry Jesus. Thank God I can get forgiveness on Sunday.
Going along with my boring ideas about helping others and staying healthy and not polluting the planet, I hoped that my 30 friends, excluding Tom because he really doesn't talk to me anymore, might get inspired and make costumes this year. Keep your money in your pocket and stay away from the vinal - unless you want to do some dominatrix stuff. You know, I don't want to judge.
If you need help coming up with an idea, here are a few from Heckel on The Daily Camera:
* Smear black mascara under an eye and tape a pea to your chest. You're a black-eyed pea.
* Wear all black, except for one arm. You're the Def Leppard drummer's severed arm.
* Go as Samberg and Timberlake's d*** in a box.
* Duct-tape your body sticky-side-out and cover in popcorn and candy wrappers and look like a movie theater floor.
* Tape mirrors on your body, and you can be everyone else.
* Wear pink and tape a shoe to your head. Say you are used bubble gum.
* Instead of pretending you are a cat but are really just wearing your underwear and looking like a stripper, why not be honest? Be a stripper.
And I hope to see pix of each of you. You can post them here or on your own website, but let me see them. I'm thinking of being a soccer mom this year. Hold on... van, check, soccer balls, check, grassy socks all over the place, check, half consumed water bottles with flotsam floating in them, check. Oops. I'm already a soccer mom.